✨MUSIC BLESSINGS✨

Along my path, I’ve learned quite bit about creativity and healing sexual trauma.

They are both connected to the sacral chakra, our emotions, our Souls. Great art can often bring up our deepest stuff to be alchemized; it’s part of it. I’m feeling inspired to write about some of my recent experiences, to integrate their lessons and blessings…

Music is my #1 way of expressing my Soul. I love writing too, sometimes art, sometimes dance, sometimes video… Music has a very deep element for me though. The feelings of being immersed in writing a song, playing with its magical energies in production, creating vibey videos, and performing live… Are when I feel most Alive.

In 2024, I worked with a producer to elevate the beats and mix of 5 new songs. The initial experience was super inspiring, especially working on the songs together via Zoom, which I expressed was important to me to stay connected to the songs and be able to give consent for changes.

My deep stuff got stirred up when, after he took over a month off working on the songs, he sent me mixes that were dramatically different. So much of what I loved, that we worked on together, was changed. I expressed this, and he said he accidentally didn’t save the files correctly, but would change it back. When I listened to the updated mixed, they were still different, beyond repair.

I felt overwhelmed, as it resonated with deep emotions of having something that I deeply care about be messed with, without my consent. At the time I was a daily wine drinker, and made the mistake of replying to some of the producer’s messages tipsy, which meant emotionally out of control, blurring between the project and my stuff. I suggested we sleep on it and have a clear resolution conversation in the morning.

When I woke up, clear-minded to create win-win solutions, I saw he had emailed me upset, sent me all the files, and said it was his worst client experience ever. I was shocked. We sent a few emails back and forth, in which I apologized for responding with wine in my system and taking responsibility for how my trauma influenced my emotions around the project. He expressed in one of the emails not wanting to have any communications with me, but that we’re still friends, which was confusing. In the end I was left with a bunch of damaged files and deep unresolved pain.

For many years I’ve struggled with sexual abuse symptoms and feelings, yet not having full clarity or resolution. Creating these songs was part of my healing journey in a myriad of ways. It was challenging, but I soldiered on. I brought the initial mixes of what we’d done together (that I loved) to a mastering engineer, who helped put some new energy into to the songs and bring the levels to perfection. Yet I’ll admit, it still felt like walking wounded. Somehow summoning the strength to keep going, I did.

Because of the challenges of that experience, notably not receiving the level of accountability and responsibility that I truly desired (and feel, my Soul and Music deserve)… It was scary to approach another producer to ask for help with mixing the next batch of songs, which were initially created together as a 10 song album. I felt deeply called and synchronicities flowed, so even though I was nervous, I did.

This time I expressed that I preferred to be present for and consent to changes. He said that his process was better in a solo Flow, but that everything would be with consent and clarity. After the first and second mixes were sent, I had some feelings of being triggered / out of control / overwhelmed come up, and asked if we could do the final changes in the studio. Even though he was super busy, with a tour starting the next day, he offered time and presence to make sure the Music was right. That experience felt healing, because resolution was created. :)

Along my journey of healing sexual abuse, I feel likewise like I’ve struggled with a lack of accountability and responsibility. I always thought, if someone I care about accused me of sexually abusing them but I knew I didn’t, I would never stop trying to make it right. It would be a high priority to communicate until every knot was untangled, every feeling learned from, every Truth revealed. Instead I was met with denial, gaslighting, financial manipulation, and being shut out of family holidays / trips (also because I spoke up about protecting my nephews, a story for another day).

Even in writing that, I feel a bit of fear of the repercussions. My vulnerable and courageous expressions of Truth were met with anger and pressure to silence myself in the past. In an ideal world, that could be a golden opportunity to create resolution. An invitation to Heal Together. Sadly, I’m not close with the people connected to that situation anymore. A big reason is because not having the accountability and responsibility I needed, being gaslit and made into a scapegoat, was too damaging to my Soul and not worth it, even though I’ll never stop caring / Loving.

On this planet at this time, there’s many men who get away with doing secret sexually abusive things. A big part of how they do that is DARVO (defend, attack, reverse victim order) which involves turning on the already wounded victim, to avoid the vulnerability of genuine healing. Many of them lie, manipulate, and cultivate their narcissistic public image like their lives depend on it, at any cost.

The cost of preserving their ego above all else is damaging to the victim even more. Sexual abuse is already known as “Soul murder” for how deeply destructive it can be. Being denied often adds another layer of trauma to that.

Thankfully it can be healed. I’ve been in therapy since I was 18 to understand my symptoms and passionately pursue my healing. I remember once, while in a 2 month treatment program for depression and anxiety (symptoms of my PTSD), I was surrendering into my feelings and healing journey, and felt like I wanted / needed hope that it would be worth it on the other side. That I wouldn’t just be damaged goods (as I was rejected by past lovers for being) forever. That perhaps, just like when a bone breaks it heals stronger, I could evolve in new, even better, glorious ways.

I wish I could share my new songs with that past version of myself. I wish I could share the healing music videos I’ve done. I wish I could help her know that evolution is happening on Earth, and the collective culture is changing to support the healing path (#metoo etc). Moreso, I wish I could tell her that one day we’d be with an amazing husband, have a blossoming family of our own, and great friends I we can be totally Real with… And that our new EP is full of more Medicine than ever.

Honestly, I’m so excited to share this new EP with you, due in November 2025. The songs are about Spiritual Connection, Kinky Love, Super Sacred Sexuality, Devotion to Healing, and being a Champion… And I’m happy that a positive, healing, revolutionary experience of mixing it is a part of it’s Journey to You.

Check out my discography at www.coraflora.com/music to listen and Enjoy! :)

Infinite Blessings,

Cora